Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
