I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
