i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
