I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
