Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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