I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
