watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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