she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Someone signed my nipple.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
