she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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