I want to make a zoo with you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
