you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
