I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
