I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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