His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
