I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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