she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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