you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
