I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
