Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
