So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
