Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
