what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
