Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
