They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
