Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
