well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
