Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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