She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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