How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
