just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
