bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
