I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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