I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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