I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
