Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
