i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
