I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
