Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
