My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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