i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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