Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
