trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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