I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
