Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Watching her eat just hurts me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
