Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
