i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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