My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
