guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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