somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
