I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She even gives head with a lisp.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
