I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
