After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
