Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
