I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
